“No Hope” {insert denomination name} Church

Our church is the largest — and still growing — church in the WORLD!! Our congregation is comprised of every class of people, every ethnic group, and all educational levels.

Our worship is not to be outdone. It is often boisterous, sometimes soul searching, and always about entertaining the worshiper.

We have all translations of the Bible found in a typical bookstore. Pick and choose what is best for you. We will not be using any Bible to any great length except to under gird our own viewpoints.

We exercise an oligarchical government. We have a pastor but we only use him for preaching and occasional visitation. As such we really do not have to pay him much.

Since we do not have to pay our pastor much our budget is used for other things like youth disco parties on Saturdays, outreach to the local college sports events, and mission trips to golf meccas.

Our education department is like no other. We offer courses on how to do eastern mysticism, “Why Christianity is No Different Than Other Religions,” and “The Bible: Is it Really All That?”

If you think you would like to join, please feel no pressure to do so. Just look within yourself. Chances are you have already become one of us.

(*this post is made as a sarcastic attention getter. If this resembles your church then its time to do something about that.)

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